So Much Pain

grief croppedAll women are sisters.  If you don’t believe me, write about a miscarriage and see what happens.  A week ago I described my own experience, now more than 30 years old — memories made fresh by a private newsletter conversation.

Two amazing (but not surprising) realities emerged:  1) This is one pain that stays right there – buried under daily events and worries and happy times — but not gone.  Never gone.  2) It is a gift to have a place to discuss or describe the things that wound us, change us, leave silent but permanent marks.   Offering that space is one particular gift women give to one another.  Here are three who shared my “place:”

Nobody ever talks about it but the reality is that many people have been through it (multiple times even) and I think there is comfort in shared grief.

I like to be tidy with emotions (I never am – HA!), but the grief I feel about these losses have a layer of guilt around them – as if I shouldn’t be so upset. But I am.

I am in tears! I was on Facebook, saw your post on miscarriage and just oh my goodness. I have had 2 miscarriages in the past year. It been hard, but it’s made so much harder that the whole subject has a weird taboo around it. It’s not like people won’t ask me when I’m planning to have kids. I’ve heard a thousand times “when are you going to have children?” and had to make light of a situation that I was still really sad about.

That’s all.